just fml... Tuesday, November 29, 2011 @ 4:34 AM
just came back from the hospital and it wasn't a pleasant come back from there. many things happen. first, piggy cried. its my first ever time seeing her cry bcos of tht person and i just feel like crying with her. haiss i pity la. at first, when all my friends came, i was happy to see them. then we somehow started to talk about things. we became detective and look at photos. fucking heartbreaking. i never regret sending him tht text message. it was a good thing i did. if not, until now i wont know tht those photos existed. so what if you came and visit and tell my bestf tht you cant sleep thinking of me got admitted to the hospital? is tht only time you think about me or for past few days you have huh? i dont really trust what you said about your love towards me. even if you want to prove me to me..... pfft try your fucking damn best. its still hard for me to call you a jerk. but then, i nvr knew those photos until today. you want revenge on me? pfft have i ever put my hand over a boy's neck, stay at bed with two girls or have i ever lent my shirt to a guy? i trust whtever you do there and looks like you gave me craps. you took advantage of it huh. now i feel like accusing you cus i can see all the evidence. i think you deserve shits in your life. goodluck.

wheres chicky... Monday, November 21, 2011 @ 4:56 AM

well chicky is at Bandung right now. I wanna go holidays! >:( so hows my life? my life has been okay. nothing bad happen, nothing good happen. but i know, i'm happy right now. no more burdens. :) got close with a new clique. as usual, funny people. just can't wait for POP. and yes, i still think about you when i post this. but sadly, it doesn't have any good impact of me.

stupid me... Saturday, November 19, 2011 @ 12:46 AM

im saving myself for a better. i think i've hold on for too long. i don't wanna hurt myself because of him, i dont want to be sad because of him. i just want to be happy. ysterday night was the night where i told myself i wanna let go of him cus of certain reasons. i want to let go because i'm scared to be use and to be play too. i've been used once, and im not gonna let the him do it to me like wht my crappy ex did to me. i don't wanna be use by him just because he knows im here for him to guide him along the way. i'm not some kind of slut to be use ok. letting a girl use your shirt during chalet. what is tht? i dont know what kind of stuffs you did at chalet but i told you tht i trust you everything you do there. i dont know if you took advantage of it but i just trust you what ever things you do there. its so nice of you to lent your shirt to a girl huh? :) i wonder wht kind of things you do there. i never say tht i accuse of having a girl behind my back. i even apologise if what i said was wrong and hoping for an explanation frm you. and you gave me harsh things back. well, this time im not gonna look back. i told myself that enough is enough especially doing this kind of things to me. i feel so stupid trusting you. i dont want to be treated like wht one of my ex did to me. this time, i know i won't look back. i just wish you happiness in life.

its you... Wednesday, November 16, 2011 @ 3:39 AM


i dont have to wish to have this. because i already got one by someone whom i never thought there would be a connection between the both of us. <3 its amazing how he suddenly came into my mind when i read this.

hopefully... @ 3:09 AM

i hope when you said you love me, it really means you do. not just because you get to do things you did with like the past. but i really hope you said it because im something in your life.

111111... Friday, November 11, 2011 @ 8:40 PM

Well, yesterday was 11/11/11. I went out with Balqis, Dahliah, Raii, Rasyid and Haran who suddenly came to join us ^^ Yeaa, its kinda weird for us to go out together all of a sudden. so, we all meet up at bns and i semangat bring my kite down to play kite at Marina Barrage and then it was canceled. -.- many stupid and crazy things happen at bns. super kanchiong siaa. HAHAHA. then took the mrt to bishan and take the circle line mrt to Botanic Garden. everybody was super hungry tht time. Hahaha. i was hoping that there will be a huge space for me to play kite. dont wanna bring my kite go to waste. >< so we walk and its like not the Botanic Garden like tht. Then we found a pondok and sit there. I take out my kite and fix it. ^^ So damn excited to play. after that, me balqis and dahliah had trouble flying it. stupid kite. theres no wind uh that time so its quite frustrating when the kite keep falling down. later then we pack up and walk back to Cheers to buy some food since we're super hungry. -.- otw there, there a wide open space. so what else? i play kite lor. :D and oh, i didnt keep my kite yet. so i manage to fly sooo high. super happy. ^^ since i was so wanting to play my kite, balqis and dahliah went to cheers to buy some food. and i keep flying my kite. then, gave raii and rasyid a try to play since raii never fly kite before. thought them how to hendle the rope and stuffs and they manage to fly damn high after so many tries. :) then camwhore and stuffs and head back to woodlands. otw there, dahliah was super restless. xD in the mrt, we all laughing like because of many stupid lame jokes. kinda embarrassing to the public but its okay. :D somemore the mst was pack with working people. so head down to swing together....memories. :') then balqis went home and left with me dahliah raii rasyid and haran. slacked at the playground until 9pm. we gossip about people from their batch and my batch. talk about gays, prank call someone, and stuffs. hahaha. stupid moment. xD so at 9pm and we all went home. n_______n ohya, before tht syahindah went down to swing for me. i was wanting to hear her laugh because of the turtle head. and yeahh, she did make me laugh. xD hahaha. everybody's was loving her laugh siaaa. so this people made my 11/11/11 a great day. Everybody was enjoying the day too. :)

hahahahah k! -.- Wednesday, November 9, 2011 @ 8:13 PM

serious shit sia, got this girl at fb keep puttting "hahahaha k!" sumpah irritating. aku "hahaahaha k!" kau baru tahu! -_______- idiot betul. eh, burung kau kat sangkal la kene terperangkap so tkya tanye "where biRd?" pfst. biRdbiRdbiRd..... tulis name die je la. urgh i really hate people who is faking people about who they like and stuffs, talk about the person they love in fb but dont wanna admit it the truth. sumpah irritating.

give me a break... @ 10:50 AM

Well, looks like the same thing is gonna happen to me, again. I FUCKING HATE THE SITUATION IN BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE, AGAIN.

beautiful people... @ 9:50 AM



i miss my peeps. <3

first priority... Monday, November 7, 2011 @ 8:11 PM



So thts my big brother. Not everybody knows that i got a big brothers. Once i talk about him everybody will go, "You got big brother?" hahhaha. so funny.. he's been very friendly in the house lately. o.o so weird. i somehow luv tht picture of me and him. haha and oh, my family too. <3 n_____n

i wish.... @ 4:17 PM

i wish,
you can read everthing i write about you here. but i wonder how you will feel reading it....

I fail, again .... Sunday, November 6, 2011 @ 5:47 AM

so i made him mad which i didn't to do it. all i wanted to do was to help him in life and change. but guess, he doesn't want that anymore. i guess, i will just leave him alone. i think its better if i just think and wait for him for the time being. before i go looking at his fb profile, i always kuat kan semangat if happen i get to read something that make me sad or heartbroken. well, i guess i failed, again. god. it was so hard to handle him. i wonder why he once pleased me so easily in the past, while i don't. well, i wish i can. but its kinda irritating when i can still feel the hope in us being friends together again. well idk.... i guess its not the goodbye that hurts, its the memories that follows. i wonder if he feels the same way as i do. :/ haish. idk. i got a deshavu. in my dream, i dreamt that he scold me fuck. and that dream i dreamt was on 4 November. pfst, what a date to dream that kind of dream. and two later, he really did scold me fuck. cool deshavu huh? :/ my feelings for him are hard to explain. all i can remember right now is the moment when he allow me to guide him through life and said that we will be friends with no grudges; that moment when he made me happy. i wonder if he ever gave me me another change, or will i even take tht change. haish idk... i dont want him to be hurt, and i dont myself to get hurt bcos of him. all i wish is happiness in his life. :')

get back upppp... Saturday, November 5, 2011 @ 12:23 AM

I'm not that strong to be strong. When i'm down, i'm always down. I will feel so hated by people. Because why? I'm weak.

crash and burn... Thursday, November 3, 2011 @ 8:52 PM

just knew...
he love erra, sincerly. OMG. i feel so stupid! :'/ on a day like this, i got to know this. haish. just thought of texting him at night to make it up to him. life's a joke......... oh fml.

i miss you.... @ 7:59 PM


Today marks our 1year and 5month but sadly, we aren't together. I bet he doesn't know that i'm writing about him and also doesn't have a clue that this blog exist. I really wish he could read everything i wrote about him.... :/ so anyway, i would like to say that i'm truly sorry for whatever mistakes i did to you from the past until now. By the look of it, i don't think i'm leading you to a good life its because i'm scared to do so. Yea, i wanted to message you but i just got fucking guts. Super dissappointed in myself. Honestly, i've not really move on from you. My mind is not thinking about you, but my heart is still there for you. I really want a smile for you... I really have been thinking, am i still on your mind? :/ i really want to know that answer and how you even feel about me right this second. i really miss you presence. you super loud laugh, wide smile, just EVERYTHING. i regret doing things that make you mad at the past, really. i hate myself for loosing someone like you. you're just everywhere.... i always keep thinking how am i suppose to lead you through life. i dunno whats the first time to take. talk? text? call? idk.... i just hope he wont take it that im like the rest of his ex, really. he's been my worse and my best. no matter how much i try to forget about him, i just cant. everytime i want to make it up to you, my mind went blank. so, today is suppose to be the day where we sent each other long messages, the day where we should be feeling happy and lucky to have each other, the day when we're suppose to say i love you, the day when we both have a smile on our face. but looks like, we don't. :( i just really wanna make it up to you, i really do! i just miss you yknow....

so unforgettable... @ 5:51 AM

i lost one, who's next... @ 5:48 AM


Hello. I just made a new blog. :> Reason why i deleted the lastest blog was because to me, i was over too confident about me being positive until i end up being sad, like now. I just hurt someone dearly towards me, Sufi. :/ that guy above. Yeah, he's the person who like me. Never have i thought he would like me when it all started because of a paper ball. So anyway, i told him to forget about me because i know i wasn't worth his time. After 4 hours meeting him yesterday, we talked a lot about many things and i still got no feelings towards him. Idk why.... We talked about my problems and stuffs. And when i went back home, i realise that i don't want to be heartless towards him. I don't want him to think that all this while he's been giving his love towards me when i don't even have some towards him. Well, he went over the line as a friend to me and i just dont feel comfortable. :S I dont wanna list more over here. He's a very flexible person in a way, he's not bad and all but i just don't feel the love towards him. Maybe its because i haven't move on from someone. Haish.... super complicated. :/

if it was easy... @ 5:34 AM
i wish...
i can know how you really feel about me. am i still on your mind? :/

i got no guts... @ 5:22 AM

This is my new blog. Where my secrets are kept about everybody, how i feel and stuffs. The previous two blogs will be kept as a secret. :') So, this blog is to be kept as a secret too. I will pour my feelings here. So currently, my life's a mess too. I got a misunderstanding with Balqis, fight with Sufi and also, Kamarul. Let me talk about kamarul first for the first post. I was looking through his fb profile looking through all his pictures. It really made me shed a tear. :'( i really miss happy i was with someone who truly love me for who i am. I wish i can rewind the past. How sweet he was to tag me a picture he doing a heart when went Jurong, swimming with his friend while i was on a holiday. He even tagg me. That photo on the left was the latest. I slept with him at kkh when he was warded. Took care of him and stufs. It was amazing, i swear. How we talked at night just because he couldn't sleep. And woke up for atleast 5 times for him. End up, in the morning saket. Haha. I really miss his presence. Thank god, he gave me permission to guide him through life. I really want to text him, but im just so scared. Haish. Im scared he will get irritated by me and got angry all the sudden. And worst, he can just say no. :/ If only i got the guts!

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